Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: This podcast is produced by members of the University of Alabama Parent Advisory Council and reflects the personal views, experiences, and opinions of the hosts and guests. These views are independent and do not represent, reflect, or speak on behalf of the University of Alabama, its administration, faculty, staff, or affiliated organizations. The content shared is for general informational and conversational purposes only. It is not intended to provide academic, medical, legal, financial, or institutional advice. While we aim to share thoughtful and helpful perspectives, we make no guarantees regarding accuracy, completeness, or timeliness. Listeners are encouraged to verify information independently and rely on official University of Alabama communications for policies, decisions, and guidance. Listening to this podcast is voluntary and any actions taken based on the content are done at your own discretion and risk.
Welcome to Parent Perspectives. Navigating the University of Alabama experience as a parent can be exciting, overwhelming, and full of questions. And you don't have to do it alone. Parent Perspectives is a podcast by parents, for parents and with parents created to share real conversations, trusted insights, and firsthand experiences from those who've been there. Whether your student is Bama bound, settling into freshman year or finding their stride on campus, this is your go to source for all things Bama student related. From academics in campus life to traditions and the moments that matter most, we cover what parents want to know honestly and thoughtfully. Tune in and feel confident knowing you're part of a supportive Bama parent community.
[00:01:51] Speaker B: Welcome. We're so glad you could join us in this episode. We're talking about the transition parents experience when their student goes to college. For many families, this is a moment when the role of parent begins to shift from manager to mentor. Today we'll discuss how to stay connected with your student while encouraging independence and how parents can find their own community during this amazing journey at the University of Alabama.
So let's get started with the shift many parents feel once their student heads off to college.
How do parents begin to recognize when you step back and then lean into during their students first year, which is really big, you know, it's a big year. Brian, let's start with you.
[00:02:37] Speaker C: Okay. Yeah. Well, I think you first have to recognize that your relationship with your student is changing.
This is a major life transition for both of you. But I will remind parents that you wanted this. You wanted your student to grow up and to flourish.
You'll start to notice that change happening when communication starts to fade from every day, perhaps to every other day.
That transition will get more pronounced as they get older. It will certainly become more pronounced in the sophomore year and I think you can start to lean in when you sense that there is some uncomfortable distance or unusual distance, a dramatic change in that communication pattern. But if you've been talking about their learning with them and you've had that level of communication and you see that drop off, maybe that's the time when you need to start checking in a little more regularly.
[00:03:31] Speaker B: One thing we mentioned, we're going from manager to mentor. So I think the point that you made was very, very clear that it's sometimes hard to make that adjustment, but you've got to do it. Lynn Ann, let's hear from your perspective.
[00:03:42] Speaker D: And I think it's really, really important, Roseanne, to remember that there is a role change, and we're now in a new capacity to listen carefully and to ask leading questions that will help our children arrive at appropriate answers for themselves. Of course, with our guidance.
And I think you're going to know you raised your children. You're going to know when they're struggling, at which point you're going to give them direct support.
You may ask them to talk through their options if they're having a problem or do they need to make an appointment for counseling at the counseling center or utilize the myriad of academic support options on campus and talk through what those might be, what would be an appropriate place for them to go and get assistance if needed. But by all, but, but by all means, it begins with listening and asking really good questions. There are lots and lots of resources that you're going to be given at Bama Bound. Keep that. There's a. There's a calendar that you're going to get that's gold.
Hold on to that. Don't let it go, especially since it gives you all kinds of resources and contacts, especially on your name tags, tons and tons of places to go for support and encourage and resources to share with your students when they need your support.
[00:05:02] Speaker B: And they're there because we want you to reach out, right? Lynn Ann they're there for a reason, because you're not alone in this journey. There are lots of parents that have questions, and that's why those resources are open to you.
[00:05:15] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:05:15] Speaker B: Once students are on campus, communication patterns, of course, often change. How can parents stay connected with their student without hovering or. Or becoming overly involved?
Lynn Ann, can I start with you on this one?
[00:05:31] Speaker D: Sure. You're going to hear me reiterate this over and over. Have a discussion about some of these things before your student even leaves for school.
But in this case, the discussion about how communication will work.
In this case, let the students come to you. And when you do, connect this should be a time of answering open ended questions requiring more than a yes or no one word answer.
Example, you know, what do you have coming up this week? Do you have any tests or quizzes or presentations? Things I can maybe be, you know, thinking about or, or praying about for you?
If that's, if that's how your, your family operates. How are things going with your roommates? You know, assuming they can talk freely, of course.
You know, what has surprised you about your classes? You want to remember that the goal is not to talk at but to be a resource for. Don't provide a solution unless they ask.
Send, send a check in text occasionally, you know, just let them know that you're, that you love them or that you're thinking about them. I tell my girls that I'm praying for them when they have something big happening or I just check in and say hey, hope you're having a good day, you know. And the other thing I did is I followed both of my girls on social media and I got to see a lot and I, and I think they appreciated that I cared enough to want to follow them as well as just interact with them in that way because that's their world. I'm willing to step into their world.
They don't have to just step into mine.
[00:07:03] Speaker B: Good points, really good points. Brian, what would you say about this as well?
[00:07:07] Speaker C: Yeah, I would say that I have had to learn the hard way to be right, be honest, to not obsessively watch Life360 or what other tracking device you may have used or are using.
There's nothing you can do about where they are when you're looking at that app. And so the night that I Woke up at 2 in the morning and looked on the app and saw that my son was in the middle of a lake, all that did was cause panic for me because he wasn't in the middle of a lake.
So I think, you know, trying to wean yourself away from that, that level of attention is really important. And I think you need to be open with your student about why you're checking in with them, have something worthwhile to share with them, that you're not just policing them or checking on them. I think it's important you know exactly what Lynn Ann said to send them texts that tell them you love them, that say hello where you don't requ back with them. And then we have resorted to the old fashioned sending letters to our son and he has really appreciated that because he'll keep those and he won't keep those text messages.
[00:08:15] Speaker B: And they do like mail. My son likes mail. He really does. Now, one way to avoid misunderstandings is to set early expectations. We've talked about this before.
So what communication expectations should parents and of course, students establish before the semester begins? Let's get ahead of all of this.
Brian, why don't we start with you?
[00:08:37] Speaker C: Sure.
Lynn Ann has said this so well, that these are conversations that you need to have ahead of time about what your expectations for communication will be and how you are going to communicate with your student. I have actually heard parents say that they've told their students that they will communicate with them daily and that they expect to communicate daily, but it's just not going to work out that way. And so I think you need to adopt what I would. I would call a summer camp attitude where you've sent them off to summer camp and you know that you can't have the same expectations for communicating with them every day.
So when my. When I call my son and he sends a text back and it says, I'm playing a game with friends or I'm in the library, I have to learn that those are moments when I have to respect his boundaries and learn to tell him to just check in with me whenever he gets a chance.
[00:09:29] Speaker B: Good point, Lynan. We're talking about communication expectations for both parents and students.
[00:09:35] Speaker D: Have the conversation again with your child before you even leave for school about the frequency of calls, texts, or visits. If you live nearby, those should be discussed. An expectation that they will check in with you at least one time a week, I think is reasonable and you can even set a day and a time. But also then be flexible about making changes once the semester begins, something that my girls, both of my girls have done.
They would call me while they're walking to class.
It's a quick conversation. And sometimes I can't talk when they call, but at least I know they want to talk. But for them, if we do talk, there's a finite time.
It's going to be ending when they arrive at class.
So it's a good time to check in and make it quick.
It just lets both parties know that you care and that you want to just touch base with one another.
[00:10:37] Speaker B: And I appreciate touching base. I think you just said it right there. Parents often want to stay informed. Of course we do. While encouraging independence. How can parents support independence while still staying aware of how their student is doing? Obviously, mentally, physically, emotionally, socially? Brian, let's start with you.
[00:10:57] Speaker C: Yeah. So one area that I think is important to Cover. They will learn about this at BAMA Bound is the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act. They'll know it as ferpa.
At BAMA Bound they'll learn all of the levels of permission that their student can give them for accessing information about their academic records or disciplinary records, finances, whatever that might be.
Parents are accustomed to having access to everything they needed to know about a student because they were the owners of those academic or educational records. And now that shifts over for the student and that's a bit of an adjustment for parents to have to make because the student now owns their own educational records and it doesn't matter who's paying the tuition, the student owns that.
If you have the kind of relationship where you can do this, I would encourage parents to have a conversation with their student about getting access to those academic records. Not because you want to hover over them, not because you want to check their grades. In fact, I would discourage that. But if something goes wrong, this will give you the the opportunity to communicate with their professors or communicate with anyone else at the university that you might need to if something unexpected might happen.
[00:12:11] Speaker B: That's good. No surprises, right? Lynn Ann, what would you have to say on this? I'm sure you have a couple of things you'd want to add.
[00:12:17] Speaker D: Yes, and I appreciate what you've said Brian, that I think that's super important information to have.
But parents I just want you to think about build the relationship in such a way with your child that they want to check in with you.
Positive, genuine curiosity when you talk to them, regular communication and check ins, that's what will help them.
And while you may miss them, you have to give them space and again an occasional text. Just telling them you're thinking about them goes a really long way.
I'll just send a note sometimes saying I would love to connect with you when you have a few minutes and that just lets them know I care and I just want to touch base with them. And those I think are helpful.
[00:13:01] Speaker B: Those are really good. Now parents also benefit from building their own support network at the University of Alabama. What are some best ways parents can plug into parent networks at Alabama? Chiffon? Let's start with you. I know you've got lots.
[00:13:16] Speaker E: Yes. I think for me one of the main ways that I've been able to really plug into parents is locally being out of state parent. And then I always make it because we're from California. We actually have a pretty big group of people here in our area that we meet up as parents and we talk and we have our own Facebook chats that we have in group chats so we locally can keep updated with everything from the school and from our students. Because we're not there, we're not being able to just go there for a game or hop across real easily. So that's always something. I encourage people find people in your local group or in your area that you can meet up with and talk to because it kind of makes you reminisce since we're not actually always there. So locally, I'm always going to say anything about that for locally is good. And then online, the UA parent and family social platforms are great. They have a Facebook group, they have a Facebook Facebook page and they have an Instagram page.
[00:14:11] Speaker B: Lynn Ann, have you been able to plug into the Alabama Parents Network?
[00:14:16] Speaker D: So finding the UA and alumni club clubs in your area, one way to do that and super helpful.
And if you're not already following a UA sponsored account, you need to do that. But also be wary that there are a lot of accounts out there, Facebook inst.
That are not UA official and you're not always going to get the best information.
You definitely the Facebook pages for parent and family programs. The account, their Facebook specifically is Bama Parents. And on Instagram it's UA Bama Parents. And I know that some of the sororities and fraternities have their own pages, but know that the information on those accounts again is not official and you want to make sure you're doing that and reach out to your closest PAC member.
That information can be found on the parent and family programs page on the UA website. And you are welcome to reach out to any one of us. And we welcome that.
[00:15:16] Speaker B: Yes, we do. So online groups can be a big part of the network and you kind of touch base on that, but it can be very overwhelming. We talked about Facebook and other online communities, Brian, Is there something you want to add on that at all before we kind of wrap things up?
[00:15:30] Speaker C: Yeah, I'll just say I'm not anti social media, but I will tell parents that you're not missing out if you don't access any of that. If you don't have a social media account, Facebook, Instagram, whatever it is, you can get the information you need from the University of Alabama's webpage. Almost everything you need, official at least is going to be on that webpage. And it's a very good one.
[00:15:51] Speaker D: Good.
[00:15:51] Speaker B: And they also have numbers. If you don't find something that you're looking for, just call, pick up the phone and call let's focus on the parent experience that's so important. What advice would you give parents about building their own support system while their student is Alabama? We're kind of wrapping up and Linnaeann, I want to get some last minute from you of what you think about that.
[00:16:14] Speaker D: Find your closest alumni club and go to watch parties.
Those are so much fun. And you build a network of people who many either have students that are currently there now or they've been students there themselves and they understand and they're willing to provide tons and tons of resources and support for your students, which is invaluable.
[00:16:38] Speaker B: It is. Brian, one last word from you.
[00:16:42] Speaker C: I would say the same thing that going to alumni opportunities and I think trying to be on if you're able to to be on campus as much as you can to at least if you're from out of town, try to pick one or two things that you can attend throughout the year that are going to be meaningful to your students.
[00:17:00] Speaker B: It's a great experience. Chifon, what about you? It's just that the Alabama experience is great.
[00:17:05] Speaker E: I would have to I'm going to go with Lynn Ann and I swear watch parties and events that are in your area with the local alumni groups. That is by far where you are able to kind of get in with the parents, get in even with some alumni that you might just to kind of have that reminiscent aspect if you're not there and really kind of plug into a different group. I'm plug into a group that can help you out as a parent.
[00:17:28] Speaker B: It's all about building the community and we're all about that and that's why we're here. So thanks so much for joining us on this episode and we'll catch you next time.
[00:17:39] Speaker A: Thanks for tuning in today for the latest episode of Parent Perspectives brought to you by the University of Alabama Parent Advisory Council. Check out all our podcasts on Voices UA Edu. You can learn more about the Parent Advisory Council, Parent Perspectives and UA Parent and Family Programs on the UA Parent and Family Programs website at Parents SL UA Edu.
