Episode Transcript
Parent Perspectives Podcast Transcript
Season 1, Episode 14: The Parenting Shift from Manager to Coach
Posted June 23, 2026
[00:00:00] Dana Bekurs: This podcast is produced by members of The University of Alabama Parent Advisory Council and reflects the personal views, experiences, and opinions of the hosts and guests. These views are independent and do not represent, reflect or speak on behalf of The University of Alabama, its administration, faculty, staff, or affiliated organizations. The content shared is for general informational and conversational purposes only. It is not intended to provide academic, medical, legal, financial, or institutional advice. While we aim to share thoughtful and helpful perspectives, we make no guarantees regarding accuracy, completeness, or timeliness. Listeners are encouraged to verify information independently and rely on official University of Alabama communications for policies, decisions, and guidance. Listening to this podcast is voluntary and any actions taken based on the content are done at your own discretion and risk.
Welcome to Parent Perspectives. Navigating The University of Alabama experience as a parent can be exciting, overwhelming, and full of questions. And you don't have to do it alone. Parent Perspectives is a podcast by parents, for parents and with parents created to share real conversations, trusted insights, and firsthand experiences from those who've been there. Whether your student is Bama bound, settling into freshman year, or finding their stride on campus, this is your go to source for all things Bama student related. From academics in campus life to traditions and the moments that matter most, we cover what parents want to know honestly and thoughtfully. Tune in and feel confident knowing you're part of a supportive Bama parent community.
[00:01:51] Roseann Rogers: Welcome to the UA Parent Perspective Podcast. One of the biggest transitions during the college years isn't happening to the students students. It's happening to the parent or parents. For nearly 18 years, parents have managed schedules, solving problems, monitoring grades, and stepping in when something goes wrong. College requires a different approach.
Today we're talking about the shift from being a manager to being a coach.
This isn't finding a foolproof way to guarantee student success. It's about helping parents understand that they aren't alone, sharing what is normal during this transition, and connecting families and resources that can help along the way. Before we jump into specific situations, let's start with the bigger picture. Jennifer, what does it mean to move from manager mindset to a coach mindset as a college parent?
[00:02:47] Jennifer Solomon: Well, I think we should start with the best coach ever, Nick Saban. So imagine being Nick and you as a parent. You've here spent many years coaching your quarterback, teaching them the plays, helping them recognize coverage changes, and preparing them for what to do and think break down in the pocket. But at some point you have to call the play and trust them to make the right decision in real time and also understand that some of those decisions are going to lead to touchdowns and wins and great moments and others are going to lead to turnovers and really tough lessons. Either way, as a parent, you're still their coach.
Your role is to keep developing them, encouraging them even when the world doesn't, and supporting their growth. But you can't step onto the field and suddenly start throwing the pass for them. Right?
So that's the heart of moving from manager mindset to a coach mindset. You're no longer their fixer. You won't have all the details at this point. So if you try to manage their schedule or when things are due, you're probably holding them back and may actually cause them to make a mistake. So one of the simple things that I tried to do, and my son may tell you I did a good job or not, but what I tried to do is flip the questions around. So instead of asking him, did you turn your paper in? I would ask, so what's on your schedule this week? So it's more of a prompt for him to go and look at his schedule rather than me. Have already checked it. And when you come, when they come to you with a problem, instead of jumping in with a solution, you should probably start out with, how do you want to handle it? What do you think your next step should be? And what I've also learned is when they come to you with a problem, sometimes it's as simple as asking, do you want me to fix this or do you just want to talk about it? Because they may just be coming to you as a sounding board and that's your role. It's a different one, but it's built on trust. And you have to trust that you've given them the tools, the values and the foundation, and now you've got to give them the space to use it.
[00:04:39] Roseann Rogers: I love the fact, Jennifer, you mentioned language all about the approach and what you said to them. So they don't give you yes or no answers, but you're having them think about their answers, discern what they're going to say, and try to have them come up with a solution. And sometimes they're not going to have that answer, but at least you give them a thought process to try. And if we ever need great quotes, we know Nick Saban has so many of them and we can all pull from those quotes from the coach and we can get inspired, not only just for us as parents, but inspire our kids as well.
Now, one of the places many parents feel that shift is around academics. Of course, parents often ask, how do I Monitor my kids grades. How much visualization should parents realistically expect to have when approached to encourage students to connect with academic resources or advising themselves? And I should correct myself because they're no longer kids. These are young adults and students. But again, parents have to get in the mindset that we are going from manager to coach.
So Jackie, what do you think? Another area of expectations changed quickly of course is communication.
[00:05:46] Jackie Wilson: Absolutely.
So for myself specifically, I made sure that I had what's called a FERPA form.
So that FERPA form protects your students rights. So if you don't have an open dialogue with them, they don't have to necessarily share grades. Now the university will send you the bill at the end of each semester for the upcoming semester, but they will not, they won't send you the grades necessarily. So it's important to have that open communication.
So for example, for me what that looks like was we did maybe a monthly check in or when it was time to buy groceries and say hey, what are you working on? Do you have snack money? What is it? Midterms and things like that. So for one of my kids, because I do have two, one of them always had to have like a financial incentive to get the grades and then the other kid would send them to me. Oh, I made an A. So and one of the other things that I did was coming in as a freshman, we did something called the open win box.
So that open win box was when you receive your first A Open me. So it was an individually wrapped gift so so that they could open when they got their first aid when she, my daughter, her freshman year when she failed a test or she had to pull an all nighter Open me win. So and that just a little bit different way of not to manage their life but help coach them through. Like Jennifer was saying, some of the more difficult times in academics and some of the fun stuff. So I know when my daughter first got her first A, she opened it up and she was like well mom, they're cashless.
So then I was like well give me the money back then, you know, so it's small, things like that, it could be a real confidence booster.
I put things in there like a compact mirror because I wanted her to look at herself and say girl, you the baddest on the block. You know. So things like that worked for our benefit. So it's all about communication.
[00:07:53] Roseann Rogers: Well, I'm curious too to get your perspective on this. An approach to encourage students to connect with academic resources or advisors. So maybe the grades aren't good going so well and maybe they're struggling. What has been your experience with your own two students on advising them to get the help that they need?
[00:08:12] Jackie Wilson: So again, two kids, same household, two totally different personalities.
So with one of my students, they didn't have the attitude kind of coming in that oh, this college is a piece of cake. So when they first got that stuff, see, and I was like, oh, so now we realize that it's not the same. College is not the same. So one who is a little bit more reserved didn't really have as many issues as far as like connecting to resources. But the other one, I was like, okay, this is what we're going to do. And I just laid out like suggestions like going to get a cubicle at Gorgas Library.
They have food at Gorgas Library so you can eat and you can study and studying in groups because that particular student of mine liked it was easier to obtain the, and kind of absorb the information if they were bouncing it off of each other. So we got into, we looked up what tutoring was offered and group study and things like that.
So it really just depends on your student and what their, what their niche is. So if they like food, you know, using time blocking and different study skills to help connect with, with those academic resources on campus because there are tons,
[00:09:34] Roseann Rogers: there are tons of resources that certainly helps if you set up your students in business with economics teachers, teachers assistance, also the study groups, it's encouraged them to do as many as they possibly can.
[00:09:45] Jackie Wilson: And office hours, I will never forget office hours. Office hours are top tier for sure.
[00:09:53] Roseann Rogers: Along with extra credit, they offer better doing it because there's a reason why they're offering it.
So now moving on. How often do you communicate with your student and what should parents expect when it comes to how much their student shares about their college experience? Jennifer, can you add to that and tell us about your own experience with this?
[00:10:14] Jennifer Solomon: Sure. I'll be honest. You're probably going to hear from your student when they're either bored or they need something and that is okay. It usually means they're just settling into their new life. The key is to keep your communication flexible and low pressure. They get enough pressure from other things going on and you need to be a refuge for them. It can actually help just to tell your student, hey, if you're busy, I'm totally fine with a quick text or maybe you want to talk in emojis or maybe you can share memes. Any type of connection you have is valuable. Also, don't Be surprised if they have conversations with you with their AirPods in walk into class. Those are not going to be deep conversations, but they're bored, they don't want to be awkward so they call their mom as the safe space.
Before move in though, it's really important to set expectations. You do not want to have an expectation of a call or a text every week. And your student think that they just call you whenever they need something. So you're expecting a call and you never get it. So then your mind starts to go places it shouldn't. So have that conversation and also let them know what kind of communication you want. Are you just wanting a proof of life thumbs up emoji or do you need to have a longer catch up? And in that case you may want to try and ask them when's a good time for them so that way you're not interrupting their routine.
Speaking of routines, you want to keep those shared routines alive. So one of the things that my family has really enjoyed doing with my student is we will FaceTime or just go on speakerphone and watch ball games or watch the NFL draft together. Things that we did when he lived with us. But we can still share in those through the technology that we have available today. So that's been very beneficial to keep him connected to our family.
And then the other part that I had to learn the hard way because as the mom, I was the one he would come to for everything. But now that he's older, dad makes a bigger impact than I do on relationships and questions about careers.
So I'm still the go to person for logistics. But that's about the end of my role now.
[00:12:09] Roseann Rogers: Great advice. Now many families, especially out of state families, also wonder how often they'll actually see their student. What in a realistic world, when it comes to visiting students during the semester, how often do students typically want family visits and when should parents consider making that trip to campus?
Jackie, let's hear from you first and then Jennifer, I'd like to get your perspective as well.
[00:12:34] Jackie Wilson: Okay. So I always encourage the parents to come down for the family weekend event. For sure. That's a great time to get to hang out with your student doing the events and things like that. You go to the ball games, there's the carnival or the console or something always going on campus. So those times I've found have been really, really beneficial for me to come to campus, especially for our out of state students and parents because it's not always easy to kind of jump, you know, jump and fly a Thousand miles or however far home is for your student.
Personally, I'm a little bit closer to campus.
So we are typically on campus for football games. So we'll tailgate or something like that if we're not going to the game. But as oftentimes as I am on campus, I do not reach out. I will send them a text and say, hey, I'm here, or hey, I'm leaving. And they will come and I will offer food or if they need money. But realistically, out of four weekends, I may see my kids one weekend unless I'm feeding them and their friends right now.
[00:13:46] Roseann Rogers: When you're planning ahead on trips and booking flights and everything like that, and coordinating and spur of the moment trips and happening, you know, can some of it can be handled over the phone like you mentioned. Jackie, Jennifer, what's your perspective on seniors doing and then also making sure you plan well.
[00:14:01] Jennifer Solomon: I'm also close. So we pop over for lunch or dinner every couple of weeks, but we usually have a reason. So we're celebrating a birthday. But also like Jackie, during the fall, we are there for football season. So we see him during football games and we thought he took it for granted until it came to spring semester of his freshman year and he's getting ready to head out the door and he goes, mom, without football season, am I ever going to see you this semester? I said, yes, I drive an hour, I can still see you.
Something we thought he kind of took for granted and it was really important to him and we didn't realize it. And ultimately, you know your student, you know when they need you and technology is great in keeping you connected, but nothing replaces a hug from your student. And sometimes it's okay as a parent, especially that first year to go, I need to come see you. I know you don't need to see me, but I need to see you. And it lets them know that you still have trust and confidence in them. But sometimes as parents, we just need to lay our hands and our eyes on them. And if that means a one hour drive or booking a weekend trip, you do what you have to do for your student. You have for the last 18 years and it's no different now.
[00:15:03] Roseann Rogers: Many families, especially out of state families like myself, also wonder how often they should actually visit their student. Chiffon, you know this very well because you live far away from Alabama.
[00:15:15] Shafonne Myers: Yes. And being from California, it is huge because essentially we'll come and we'll move her in in August and then it's like, okay, if we want to do Family weekend. It's pretty closed, but we try to come back at least one time during the school year. So we'll move her in in August. And then at least one time we come back and sometimes twice, just depending on what's going on. But it is hard. It's hard to know that you've moved someone in and then you want to come back. And I think the other thing is having people on the ground. So we are luckily to have my husband's parents live near. So they check in. But finding other parents, parents that are roommates, parents that of the roommates that they have, parents or friends that are.
That helps tremendously, because you do. And I love how Jennifer said you want to put eyes on them. You just want to see them or have someone be able to put eyes on them. I think that helps a lot. Especially being out of state and being so far out of state. That helps a lot.
[00:16:13] Roseann Rogers: And maybe also visiting on not the peak times, the peak football games is picking another time where you can actually spend quality time with your student.
[00:16:20] Shafonne Myers: Exactly. That makes a difference. It really, really does.
[00:16:23] Roseann Rogers: Well, and parents, your student gets older the less they really see you. Mine will be a rising senior and I probably will see him less than I did his freshman, sophomore and junior year. So just keep that in perspective. These young adults are becoming even, even more mature and they're doing things on their own. I have a question for both of you. This is great. Technology creates another interesting parent question. Of course. Is Life360 still appropriate in college? And how can parents balance staying informed if giving students their independence? Jackie, what's your take on that?
[00:16:58] Jackie Wilson: Do the Life 360 Platinum.
You can mark their frequent areas that they visit on campus or off campus so you kind of know where they are. It also gives you a street view. And just because you mark the location doesn't mean you're stalking them. I may be stalking mine, but that doesn't mean you're stalking your kids. So it's just having a little peace of mind. And then with the Platinum, if they have a flat tire or something like that, it also comes with the roadside assistance and they will bring them gas and things like that. So yes, absolutely. They will keep up with you on Life 360 once they're out of the house, more so than you will keep up with them on Life360.
[00:17:38] Roseann Rogers: Wait a second. You know my location. I'm so who's the parent here? Who's the parent? Another major shift happens about money and financial responsibilities and those Conversations, of course, you need to have financial before the student arrives on campus. Jennifer, let's talk about that. And the conversations you had with your own student about finances.
[00:17:56] Jennifer Solomon: It goes back to communication. Everybody has a different budget and a different expectation. The important thing is you communicate to your student what your budget, what your expectations are. Now, for my family, we didn't go with an allowance or a particular dollar budget, but we made clear what we will pay for and what we will not pay for. So yes to books, meals, basics, but no to parking fees, trips with friends, daily decisions like scooter rentals.
The other piece that you need to have a conversation about sooner than you may think is off campus housing. The last thing you want is for your freshman to sign a lease in the fall for an apartment that you may not have in your budget or for them to commit to be with a roommate that has a different budget. And so you just want to be clear about what your budget is and what your expectations are so they can make decisions for themselves.
[00:18:46] Roseann Rogers: I agree. Now, when parents are worried and struggling and unsure about to help, the university has a lots of resources and support systems, you know, that you would encourage them to use rather than trying to handle things on their own. Wouldn't you agree with Jackie about going to those resources and getting the help that you need? Because everyone's different.
[00:19:03] Jackie Wilson: Absolutely. If there is an emergency, UA is a family at the end of the day, and the administration and all of the support staff really support our students wholeheartedly. So if there is an emergency, there are resources. So all you gotta do is seek
[00:19:19] Roseann Rogers: them out and call, pick up the phone or go to the website. Now, as we wrap up, one thing you wish every parent knew before their student starts college. Jennifer, let's start with you.
[00:19:31] Jennifer Solomon: College is a roller coaster, but every phase is temporary. So stay present and enjoy the moments as they come. Much like when they were toddlers, the great phases are only there temporarily and so are those tough phases as well.
[00:19:45] Roseann Rogers: I know. Patience is virtue, isn't it, Jackie?
[00:19:48] Jackie Wilson: Absolutely.
I would just say that things will never be the same.
There was a trend on social media at one point where you picked your kid up one day and you put them down and you never pick them up again. It's the exact same thing and you don't realize it until you've, they've moved out and moved on and you realize that they're not gonna necessarily move back home. So things will be different, but it will still be okay.
You're still mom.
[00:20:17] Roseann Rogers: That's it. Savor the moments. UA is an amazing place for your students. Thank you all so much for joining us. This conversation about one of the most important transitions in college experience. Remember, your role as a parent isn't becoming less important, it's becoming different. The goal isn't to solve every problem for your student. The goal is to help them develop the confidence and skills to problem solve themselves while knowing they still have your support. Thanks so much for joining on Parent Advisory Council, our Parents Perspective Podcast, and Roll Tide.
[00:20:49] Dana Bekurs: Thanks for tuning in today for the latest episode of Parent Perspectives, brought to you by the University of Alabama Parent Advisory Council. Check out all our podcasts on voices.ua.edu. you can learn more about the Parent Advisory Council, Parent Perspectives, and UA Parent and Family Programs on the UA Parent and Family Programs website at parents.sl.ua.edu.
